* ... where? up in ma head... deep in ma... *

juz something to share this with anyone who is able to relate to wad's written.... the entry was taken from a friend's blog... im the legendary "brudder zhang" btw.... muahaha....

* ... where? up in ma head... deep in ma... *

i finally, finally understood wot brudder zhang was going through.

experiencing it maself now... was at Pumpfest few days back and thoroughly enjoyed every climbing moment. simultaneously, it felt strange just standing there, being part of da audience, not doing anything to keep things moving.

that was da fifth Pumpfest i've seen in ma short twenty three years of existence. da first was at NYC park opposite cineleisure... da second was there as well. then we moved to plaza singapura... afterwhich 'twas esplanade... and this year, NLB.

in ma first year in odac, i was basically a know-nothing greenhorn. knew nothing about trekking except walk and fall. knew nothing about leading trips but i was a good follower... always trying to keep close to da guy in front (hence often falling). knew nothing about climbing, kayaking, cycling... but somehow i had da guts to slowly pick 'em up. i said guts 'cos i went on a desaru trip not knowing how to ride a two-wheel bike.

and now looking back, i guess that was da single trip why i was stuck in odac. 'cos i overcome my fear of riding... (but up to now, haff yet to eradicate others' fear of me riding... hahaha) and haff come to know a bunch of peops who are so funny, so patient and so supportive. they being spidey, zz, mindy, smallsharon, ah long and horny... when i was crawling like a turtle up da mother of all slopes, they never once abandoned me and always cycled back to check i was hokay and encouraged me to keep going.

so i realised that this odac wasn't about da survival of da fittest... it wasn't like school or life in singapore in general at all. in odac, peops did wot they wanted to, with very little have-tos... for da have-tos are part of da want-tos. everyone was at ease being themselves... being crazy... being stupid even if it's once in a while... cos it's not gonna go on da report cards and up there in da mountains, da peops are all you've got.

and this is wot's best about life. this is wot is so missing in everyday life. true genuine conversation... contemplation, silence, space to be free, space to be ourselves... to be able to curse, swear, make up songs and sing off-key... be humbled and rejuvenated by da sight of mother nature.

i said i finally understood wot brudder zhang felt... that da sense of belonging is slowly fading away. i guess it all boils down to time and proximity... there always comes a time when we have to let things go. things always change, they never stay da same. and maybe thats why peops hold back, not wanting to give it their all. cos they know one day you gotta let it go, and da more you give, da more it hurts.

anyhows... odac has always been more than a CCA to me. it's almost like my social life in university. da suppers, da bbqs, da walks, da runs, da sit-around-and-do-nothing, or sit-around-and-smoke-newbies... though things will never be da same again, i'll always be thankful for da peops i've met... even those whom i only brushed shoulders with on a trip or two. cos these peops haff taught me that life can be fulfilling even with just three packets of curry instant noodles... and singing a song altogether up da mountains is one of life's simplest joy. it makes you forget da trickles and beads of perspiration, da scorching sun or heavy rain, da leeches, da many more series of "five more minutes, we're almost there..."... it makes you go on and on and on... until you're finally there, looking at wot you're looking for.

and da ones whom you get to know over da years... they always teach you more than you'll ever know. there's spidey, whom can be reduced to a rolling fit on da floor just by a poke at his waist (sorry i made it public, dude). spidey taught me that if you want peops to enjoy da activities, you gotta first enjoy 'em yourselves... and always treat peops with kindness... no matter how weird you think they are. and of course, those songs.... made famous by spidey. da Traffic Light... and da Mosquitoe, created in honour of him. mwahahahahahahaha...

there's gorilla- da thinker, da clown, da man, da boy... all rolled into one. some may think it's got to do with his physique that he's da pillar of support in odac... da father/ brother figure we all go running to when we're tired, angry, confused or hungry (hahaha). i'd say it's da size of his heart.

and keatmama... man... da best comm. ever i've been in was led by da keatmama. he had a very clear vision... which he believed with all his heart and it shows. and being in da comm. and experiencing all that that happened was just magic...

and ah gu, creator of da Movers (Moo-vers?!) song... mwahahahahaha... one thing i respect about this fellow cow is how he'd always be so positive and work so hard. he does da shit that nobody does and still keeps so calm and gila. respect.

there's so many more peops... whose idiosyncrasies and characters haff made an impact on me and kept me laughing : ) ... peops who haff long gone, peops who are a phonecall away.

and da events that happened, da trips, da falling-outs, misunderstandings, wotcha-might-call-politics, petty fights, overwhelming stress, strained relationships with our own family/ other friends... we only went through them to become stronger... to know ourselves and others better.

so yeah, some things feel different but i will always remember odac this way; a family whom i'll always look forward to serve though i may not always belong.