the yr 2008

ok it's already coming to march... why am i so slow in making my comment abt the yr, or the past yr...

Simply, the 2 months that has passed juz went by in a breeze... shortly after the arrival of janielle, and 2 weeks of leave staying at home being the full-time caregiver.. helping out with the baby and stuffs...it's been rather bz when i go back to work... even yan teased that she realised i've been working OT every since jan is borned... (a co-worker jumped to rescue explaining that i was really very bz at work...hehe..)

so far, like i said, it's been bz, both at home and work... i asked a colleague one morning, wad did she do the previous evening after she got home from work... the usual.. bathe, dinner, watch tv, read papers etc... for me? dinner... take care of jan... then slp.... haha!! but im not complaining... it's nth really exciting for lotsa ppl i guess... ppl generally din wanna be tied down by such things... they wanna go out after work..hang out with friends, dinner, drinking sessions... no one really wanna go str8 home from work to take care of babies de mah... but apparently, as new parents.. lots of us actually quite look fwd to going home early... juz to catch a glimpse of the little one being awake and not too restless... juz the time to play with them... ya they dun really play... but u can carry them..talk to them... see them responding to u.. jan smiles when i tell her things.... haha... i haf a fellow reservist mate who was saying to me abt 2 yrs back... we've got night's off that evening... so we can go out for dinner or wad... but need to be back to slp la... he drives... but he say he din wanna go back home.... coz once he's home, he won't bear to come back to the barracks once he saw his toddler son... Awwwww..... haha... new-age dad huh!

ya by the time i get home from work... it's usually close to 8pm... and jan slps at abt 10pm... i still need to haf dinner and bathe leh... i dun wanna bring those animal fur and stuffs close to the kid leh...

work wise... at this moment...im quite please with how things are progressing for me in the new team.. however i still need to be better in the analytical side of things... the mass spec and stuffs.. (i'll spare u the details la...) to be more competent... to perform....

so that's abt it.... the 2 mths of 2008... other than the Taiwan trip... it was basically baby and work..

Resolution for the yr?

mayb not resolution... i'll try my best to do these things la...

at home:

• Be a gd daddy; make sure janielle grows up happy and healthy...
• Be a gd hubby; thou wedded, thou the kid is born.. muz remind myself nv to take things for granted.. muz cont to go out for dates and wifey's still my best companion for movies and travel!
• Be a gd son, be nice to my parents and try to provide them with wad i can... i do admit i havent been a very gd son before la... only woke up in recent yrs... (applies to treating my brother too)

at work:

• Be competent in daily work; in vivo and analytical...
• Be creative and more innovative; i need to do more out of my daily jobscope.. need to do things which spurs me more in reseacrh.... else i'll sink into juzdoing service in the company... like a robot.. being part of the process.... NOooooOO.....!!
  
• Be more involved in PDWG... this newly formed group which im part of but been missing out on... mainly also because im not yet experienced and competent enough to contribute much....
  
• Be gd to colleagues; some politics going ard... im not involved and dun wanna be involved... so i'll be gd and friendly and neutral... =) i need to be nicer to ppl la...

taiwan

my very 1st time in Taiwan.. was over there over the CNY.. hehe.. ppl say we damn smart... got away during new yr but left baby behind...hehe...aiyah not on purpose one... juz that we couldn't really bring jan ard... it's damn cold there and she juz too young!!

anyway it's still winter over there.. was ard 10 degree in the Taipei city but very much colder elsewhere... it was freezing in Jiufen! we went YangMingShan too...it was 6 degrees there! cool!!

very briefly.. taiwan is a friendly place for travellers/backpackers..that is if u're chinese-speaking.. generally the ppl there dun speak very good english... but they tried hard.. once ppl know that we're from Singapore...they spoke to us in English though we keep replying in mandarin...guess they din realised that we're not very confortable with speaking in english there... anyway... ppl are generally very friendly and they're almost always glad to help and point directions to u... or give u advice on how to get to places...

we were there for 8 days... seems quite a long period hor? but we only managed to get to 2 cities properly!! only Taipei and Hualien... initially TaiTung, AliShan and even KaoShiong were in our destination list.. u see why it's not really possible....

Day1 - Taipei: Shida Night Market (we arrived late in evening so only managed to go for night market...)

Day2 - Taipei: Ximending, Shilin

Day3 - Hualien: ZhongShan Rd, ZhongZhen Rd (we arrived early afternoon, so after settling down it was already afternoon)

Day4 - Hualien: Taroko Gorge National Park, night market (forgot name le)

Day5 - Taipei: HuaXi St (aka Snake Alley)

Day6 - Taipei: Jiufen, Ruifang

Day7 - YangMingShan, Beitou (Xing Yi Rd)

Shida/Shilin/HuaXi - Night Markets
Ximending - shopping street for the trendy/younger generation (us included)
Hualien St - street stalls of eateries and provisions and fashions.. lots of variety la.. got KFC,Mac etc too
Taroko - natural gorge winding about the Central Highlands of which is mainly made of marble... marble is a major produce of Hualien and in this national park u get to see many nice nice landscapes formation, streams, rivers, cliffs.. u got the idea la...
Jiufen - a (used to be) small town set on the slope of the mountain away from the main city.. lots of ppl come here for a short getaway from taipei.. the famous st here is called JiShan St.. the popular eats will be the jelly cakes and some kueys and taro-ball... it's nice to walk along the streets!
YangMingShan - gotta love their national parks.. in fact as long as it is a national park outside singapore, likely that u wont be disappointed visiting it... i wanna go Africa's national park someday!! anyway it was flower-blooming season then.. actually it's juz starting...they were hardly blooming yet.. juz very wet and droopy..
Beitou - 2 reasons why we're here.. 1stly.. we need to go YMS vis Beitou.. 2ndly, how came we miss hotspringing in winter!! lotsa hotspring facilities here! take ur pick!

some representative shots of the trip... for more, visit my multiply albums!

Team Dinner

finally we went for out belated team xmas dinner... actually it could haf been anything... dinner, lunch... range shooting, wake-boarding, shark-diving, parachuting... u name it... but the team was juz too inadventurous to try such things (6 girls!! only me and boss are the real MEN ard!!)... and we were too busy to think of exciting things to do... we almost settled for blading and happy meal!!

anyway we went Cicada... it's this restaurant at the very end of Portsdown road... yea very ULU... cant really get there unless u drive.. or take a cab... there's this one bus that goes there though... that comes in like once every 2 days or wad... i din notice....

food was good, place was great... i like the place more than the food... but it was too bad that we arrived slightly late... too late to properly enjoy the early evening sitting in the outdoor with cool breezes... one of the reasons i like early evenings... it's a great place to hang ard under the rain trees, alfrescos on couches, occasional car whizzing by (i shld haf taken a scenery shot!).. with friends of ur spouse/partner... the food's good too... i did say that right? i'll love to go there often for food if it is not that pricey... sure the price is actually alright if u think abt the places whr angmohs go to... we spent on an average of $50 per person? but it's the boss's treat.. *shrugz* Hehz!

my main course! sea bass! slow cooked... grilled to almost perfection... flaky and juicy...it's served with this creamy gravy.. like the bed of french beans too.. juz find the serving too small.. can hardly fill my stomach... good thing we did order starters and desserts.. and a couple of the girls cant finish wad they'd ordered and gave me sone... or mayb they took pity on me....

oh and Janielle slept through the night for a straight 6 hrs!! amazing!!

hmm.. hope that it's gonna be consistent like this from now...and not juz my alcoholic breath doing wonders....

diaper change

do u know wad is the most frustrating thing abt changing a baby's diaper?
that baby simply loves to poo/pee on fresh clean nappy/diaper!! even b4 u can pin/stick it, u suddenly hear a splatter... gone... one diaper wasted... pee still ok...since diapers are made to hold a few pees... yan juz change 4 nappies at one go... all juz b4 she managed to pin it... why can they juz poo at one go....? urgh..!

Baby to the Dino Family

yup a baby girl was born on the 1st of Jan 2008, abt 9 hrs too late to be the 1st baby of the yr, but she's already early! EDD was 9th Jan 2008.

it was amazing to see a baby popping out from a mother... i mean 2 lives from 1 leh.. the bump that was in mummy which was growing from juz a "peanut" on the ultrasound scan to something which kicks... from a bump that wriggles when mummy is eating to a crying baby in the delivery ward.. i mean yes ppl know wad happen in reproduction and birth... but being there for the whole pregnancy makes me appreciates it more... a baby can be concieved juz like that!! cool!

yes the labour pain was horrible... ya it's not me who experienced it la... but i know coz yan was taking in deep breath every few min when the contraction comes... she din slp a wink the night b4 she was admitted to the hospital.. she was screaming when the contractions were strong enough to push the baby out.. (i can do nth but offer my arm for her to hold..) shortly after, the screams of the mum was replaced by the cries of a baby in the delivery ward... it's a girl!! (actually we've long known the gender la)

Baby Janielle is well and healthy.. pink and chubby... and looks a whole lot like dad...

Happy New Year!

been away (from the evolving world) for a while.. been at home being the househusband while the wife is in her confinement month... it's not really much of a confinement really... she's been walking abt in the house.. bathing (in herbal water and she smelling like a bag of herbal tea... HEHE...)... been out 3 days in this week!! haha... but with reasons la... twice was for medical follow-up of baby and for herself... once was to meet a seller of a electric breast pump..

baby janielle is doing well too.. other than the usual things like slight rashes and colic... right now she's fine... there had been worse days... the worst had been when we were still trying to get her to be breastfed.. the little one simply refused to bite on and suck.. we even consulted the lactation consultant during our visit to the hospital.. janielle literally had to be forced on the nipple and her head held there despite her crying and screaming... the milk from mummy is still on it way too... so mummy got quite worried and depressed..the nurse did managed to get jan to suck on both sides after some time and of course jan got so tired of fighting back and crying that she juz fell aslp in mummy's arms... still sucking on...

back at home everything was repeated all over.. imagine over an hour of forced feeding.. and feeding interval of 3hrs... there simply wasn't any time for us of the baby to rest at all.... imagine this to go on in the night... *sigh*.. there we decided to give it 2 nights of trying.. after which if jan still isn't able to latch-on, we'll juz bottlefeed...

we were not able to hold on for 2 nights.. mummy was tearing seeing the baby scream at her chest.. mummy was crying slightly.. "at most i'll work harder and pump more milk lor.. hor?"... we finally decided to express mummy's milk and bottlefeed the baby... afterall, wad's the difference in breastfeed and bottlefeed? bonding? we'll hold her tighter to mummy's body lor! yan left her number at the lactation consultant to be informed of anyone selling their electric breast pump... the manual one we currently haf is draining off not yan's milk, but her energy and sleep... imagine having to stay up for abt an hr to manual pump for only 15-20ml of milk... not worth it...

we managed to get one at almost 30% the original price! though the warranty is expiring, it's working well and the previous owner said that we're fast in making our decision... jan was only 7 days' old when we bought it over from her.... it took her many months to forgo breastfeeding despite many of her relatives suggesting otherwise... she succeeded thou, her baby now 9 mth is latching on... but bottlefed occasionally... she's a strong woman yan says.. having to fight back so many and holding onto her own beliefs...

anyway all is fine now... everyone in the house seems to be getting on with having the baby ard... thing i shld be able to return to work soon... let's hope the staying home for 2 weeks din rot my brain...

cant wait to bring the baby out!!

oh yar.. btw... happy new yr!
may 2008 be a great great yr for all of us!

counting down to 2008

monitoring the contractions.... it's any time now....
*slight nervous*

Day Off on Xmas Eve

as usual the alarm went off at 630am... but the difference is that im not reporting to work today!!
instead im up and sending yan to work.. she's got tonnes presents and chocolates to bring to work so taking the public transport isn't so convenient...

she got off the car and i was driving off.. then i saw some of the colleagues walking in... i know some of them over the yrs she's here.. so i waved to them... anyway.. somehow it feels good to see ppl all coming tog in the morning to wrok... not gloating la... juz nice to see ppl reporting to work in the morning...and making the world go round...the world moves because of ppl working... it reminds me of the times in school... sec/jc times when early in the morning u'll bump into ur classmates or ECA friends at the mrt station whr almost everyone got off frm the same train...and walking very fast to sch coz we're all running late... perhaps it's the start of the day that makes me kinda nolstalgic...

makes me feel like gg to work a teeny bit la...haha... but then... think i'll rather haf a fruitful off day today...

plans plans!!!

Singapore Marathon 2007

i wanna talk abt the half marathon i juz completed over then weekend but i dunno wad to say leh.... managed to do it under 3 hr (2 hr 41min), my small small easy target la... haha... i'll try to improve on it next yr k?

i felt fine after the run surprisingly... juz the usual muscle tightness and sore joints... only when we were making our way down the unerpass then i realised i suffer more injury than mere muscle aches... my knees were busted... sharp pain came from the left joint with every descend i made.. i can almost feel the meniscus scraping off with each step... die die i thought...

hey im fine again! 2 days after the run.. im wolverine perhaps.

What does ur drawing say abt u?

Your friends and associates should generally find you a dependable and trustworthy person.You are a thoughtful and cautious person. You like to think about your method, seeking to pursue your goal in the most effective way.You like following the rules and being objective. You are precise and meticulous, and like to evaluate decisions before making them.You have a sunny, cheerful disposition.

Weekend Getaway - Bintan

now then can i understand why there're ppl who go Bintan for their honeymoon.. i used to think how can ppl juz settle for Bintan for their honeymoon?? anyway this wasn't our honeymoon la..

the beach din haf huge waves like Bali or endless stretch of gentle coast like Cherating.. but the one thing i like abt Bintan beach is that it isn't as crowded as the one in Bali Kuta Beach.. that one is over-crowded le.. dun like... in fact i dun remember setting foot on Kuta Beach's sand juz because i was so put off by the crowd there..

we haf the beach all to ourselves!

we checked into Mayang Sari Resort quite early that day.. we were there at 10am local time i think but were told that we might haf to wait till 12nn for a room available.. so we juz walked and lounged ard for the time being.. shortly after a while, we were delighted to know that we haf a room! that's quite fast.. so the moral of the story is to always lower ur customer's expectation.

we din think we like that idea of having lunch at the resort restaurant since we might be spending most of our time there.. plus breakfast was already included... we know of this shopping place called Pasar Oleh Oleh from some brochures there so decided to go there to take a look... at least we know that there'll be food there!

there wasn't much to shop there.. the usual things like indonesian fashions, massages, some convenient stalls.. that's it.

We decided to order a starter before our main course come since we were starving... other than the regular salad available, we saw sth interesting... "Crispy Fried Potatoes".. then it came with a small pic of strips of brown-looking things... so we ordered... guess wad came...

it's juz French Fries!! damn we feel dumb.. but it's nice and crispy anyway....!

Istimewa Special Fried Rice and Chicken Curry

somewhere near Oleh Oleh was a mangrove swamp whr they haf small boats that can bring u in for a short cruise. we decided against that idea and waited for the next bus to go back to the resort for a swim in the sea! we din bring our camera out for the swim though...

after the soak in the sea we went back wash up... and juz laze the afternoon away.... hee... nice... we hung ard in the balcony area for some drinks which we brought over ourselves from SG and juz lounge ard with an ipod...

and then it was dinner time! we've decided to go to this place called Kelong Restaurant.. it din sound like it's gg to be a cheap deal... but heck, it's been a long time we had a relaxing trip.. we were told that the bus was delayed, so the hotel staff so kindly sent us there with a buggy! it feels kinda dangerous riding that thing actually... it's whizzing quite fast and we were not even buckled...haha... but it was quite fun la.. juz too short..

behind yb was a drinking place build over water.. looks like quite a gd place for hanging out.. but too bad the both of us dun drink...

we were so delighted to know that we'll be having dinner by the sunset! how romantic is that!! but i think i spent too much time taking photo that by the time we were ordering the sun has almost set...

being undecisive abt our food, we ordered set menu, dinner for 2...things came in relatively small portions, but lotsa variety.. we've got butter prawns, squid, roasted chiken, baby kailan, shark fins soup, free flow chinese tea... and of course chilli crab!!

eating by the sea is really quite an enjoyable experience.. with the sea breeze always in my face (and on yb's hair is always in her face).. and juz sitting there eating slowly without haste... i ended up getting quite stuffed!!

dinner was followed by a peep into Nirwana Resort Hotel, a sister accomodation under the same management of Nirwana Gardens... it's the highest class under Nirwana.. it shares the same beach as Mayang Sari thou some distances away and is complete with a really fancy cafe, big big concierge lobby, a korean restaurant and swimming pools.. i reckon it has everything a country club has, less the golf courses of course.. (but many ppl go Bintan for golf also la..)

we ended the night with a short stroll along the beach, taking photos of our shadows and gazing at the thousands of stars up above... there were a few hammocks along the coast for ppl juz to laze there... the 2.5 of us shared one.. the view we had were the top of the coconuts trees and the stars in the endless night sky....

oh! and both of us spotted a same shooting star!! not enough time to make a wish thou...

Social Discrimination

there's a model in development as a potential cognitive assay at my workplace called the "Social Discrimination".. this is where individual adult animals are housed in the same cage as a juvenile one.. it is almost a natural instinct for adult animals to distinguish themselves from the younger ones and remember them....

I think i know more abt tis assay today, 1st hand experience myself... was on the shuttle bus to a nearby hawker centre for lunch then i realised that there's more students on the bus than usual. how do i know that they're students? i juz know.... they look damn young can.. i reckon they're abt 16-17? very secondary school student-like... and very rowdy... i dunno if they're juz not aware of ppl ard them or juz can't be bothered... the boys were juz talking and shouting loudly...

coming back they were on the same bus.. dammit, they were juz seated behind me... the backing of my seat got shoved, he was leaning so near my head.. and on one occasion his fren had his bodyweight crushed again him and he gave a yelp!! damn!!! i almost got a headache becoz of that...

hey it's the sch holidays!! go somewhere else to play la!! u're too young to be here!! get lost!!

Day off from werk~

took the fri off to extend my super long weekend! monday im off too! hehe... i've got a 5-day weekend... (and i had a 2-day work week!)

aiyah but fri was spent basically lazing ard at home.. after sending the Wifey off to work i bought breakfast and put on Jap drama to watch...haha... then for lunch i cooked instant mee and watched Evan Almight...haha.. i'd haf been an auntie if i put on some Korean drama le!!

been procrastinating my planned "bike tour" from 2pm to 3pm, then finally to 5pm... the sun is scorching hot leh.. anyway it was a good time to go for a leisure ride...

i thought this view is quite nice...



juz to show u that i was in my (t)rusty mount... i nv take bus hor... every time im on my MTB im convinvced that i absolutely LUV a MTB... very versatile, easily manovuered, i can even do some small jumps! and bes of all... no rush... it's juz not me to be always rushing... i like to take my time to ride, see flower, see grass... take some photos and occasionally unplugged my ears from my earphones to listen to the surroundings....

oh yar i caught a rainbow! it wasn't raining though... juz a huge cloud hanging between the setting sun and the rainbow...

the track looks "bent"..haha.. paranoma only gd for capturing faraway landscape...

the clouds juz look too charming...

it's getting quite late le... time to go home for dinner!!

i din know i'll be an angel....

Angel

Born with everything: wealth, good looks... and a pair of wings. Sure, you have issues, but from this high up, at least the view is nice. And there's no problem a good bit of compensation can't fix. Money is still green -- no matter whose hands it's coming out of.

Which X-Men Character Are You?

randoms

feeling all odds these days..
currently sitting by my work desk not doing any work-related stuffs... procrastinating..
mayb im juz tired... having a little bit of headache since i woke up in the morning.. stupid wake up call using radio alert has the song stucked in my head....

been wanting to blog on this.. juz need to get my thoughts straight...
couple of weeks ago, my mum slipped her tongue... the parents got a photo album of their wedding!! sth which i NV knew of!! then she tried to put it off by saying she's hidden it deep and high up in the storeroom... well it's nv too deep or too high for me!!! *starts digging*

oh my goodness everyone looks damn young can!! my grandma (passed away 2 yrs ago)had her whole head black!! and grinning from ear to ear at the wedding dinner! some uncles looked so fat then!! my mum is so heavily dressed up!! like those very fancy dress u see at Getais... haha...

then i wandered further to other albums... within those pictures u see all the usual retro costumes we have nowadays in our "retro parties".. the tight-fitted top and bell-bottom for the guys... the head bands and pokka-dotted dress for the girls... lots of 21st birthday celebrations and bbq they had back then...

in this particular photo... they were at one of the many bbq.. my dad is sitting on a chair leaning back, one leg over the other, holding a paper plate in one hand and a fork in another.. with my mum sitting beside too... dad was laughing and eyes almost smiling... he look damn young!! my brother later commented that he looked almost "kinnah" (like a child)... it was taken when they were in early 20s i think... when my dad was abt 22-24.. almost 30 yrs back?

this photo struck me leh... he looked so young and happy... chatting with his friends and laughing and enjoying every moment of his youth... it feels like he was full of aspiration abt life.. now he's like waking up early in the morning 3.30am everyday.. preparing to go work.. fried bee hoon.. prepare ingredient for cooking... come home in the afternoon to nap... then mayb evening go out for a while... night time go pack up stall till late late... he hardly take any breaks... now that i've started working i've been wanting to do a family abroad outing (my parents hardly travel) but he's nv free and rather not stop working for a couple of days coz he say the rent for the stall is expensive...

u wonder where has our plans and aspiration gone to....

sad huh...

18 Sep 2007

nth much to blog abt really... juz writing for the sake of writing... haha...

hadn't much been up to anything recently... except a trip to Bangkok.. not realli a trip i would consider a holiday... i dun realli feel "out of the country" leh.... juz lotsa shopping in very up-to-date shopping centres... Siam Paragon, MBK, Pratunam etc etc... juz to name a few there... like wad yan said... there're Singaporeans everywhere!! we eat food courts, restaurant, cafe... only one lunch was Thai food in a street shop... one breakfast by the street.. and 2 suppers by street stalls.. hmm..ok la actually not that bad la... mayb juz too much makan in "posh posh" eataries le...

Next up!
Kelong!

4th Sept 1981

it feels funny that once a year... for one day... the whole world almost seems to revolve around you.. esp for someone who, most of the time, rather have little attention from the crowd..

and i got this little surprise sitting on my desk!




hee... thank you dear... *muackz!*

Brotzeit Contemporary German Bier Bar & Restaurant @ Vivocity

this setting quite nice hor?




aiyah cldn't capture the steam..!


deed done!


desserts to end the meal....


the company.. the wifey...

Suntec Food Republic

was at the Comex last nite with an objective to get a M2 card for my new phone.. it's quite funny that every yr when there's an I.T. fair like this i only buy memory cards...haha... ok only once i bought a printer... oh and some yrs ago i bought a digicam... that's abt it.... not a big spender on I.T. gadgets...

but we were looking ard.. thinking of getting a cheap cheap laptop for surfing at home.. since got wireless set up le... and not convenient for yb to be using the working desktop which is on the floor now.. but to think abt spending a thousand bucks... hmm.. sim tiah leh... anyway end up we got a 1GB m2, 1GB duo pro and a 160GB portable HDD on behalf of her colleague....

aiyah i side-tracked too much....

Dinner!!

it was a long queue for yb's wanton mee.... so took some pic to kill time...

hey it looked nicer in real life when i was queueing... perhaps i was starving...

this is too much i guess.... haha!!

the food is not bad... quite nice... a bit pricey for foodcourt standard though... but if u think u're having it in Crystal Jade (minus the crowd, minus the rubbish trolleys that keep coming by, minus the absence of waiters to refill ur drinks), it's still ok..

Wanton Mee + Char Siew Siew Yok Fan

Total damage: $10 (no drinks)

MRT @ Yishun

was awaiting for the north-bound train this morning then i realised something....
at ALL cabin doors.....

yar la there's hardly anyone alighting during the peak hours along the south-bound train... but still.... not nice leh....

oh a gd thing i took these very discreetly... nv get pushed down the track...

Army Half Marathon 2007

this is the very 1st time that i joined the Safra Army Half Marathon (AHM), aka Sheares' Bridge Run (SBR), and now more recently known as the Bay Run. Yar the offcial distance is 21km.. half marathon mah... but i doubt i can do that distance la... im no runner man... and haven't been training for this... only decided to do it the same week it was held... so only signed up for 12km! still!! it's the longest distance so far i've run/jog non-stop!! (i did 12km b4 actually... abt 6-7 yrs ago...when my army unit was training up for AHM 2000 i think.. i actually joined them for training with my torn ligament still un-repaired..)

i cant help but asked the wife to help me take this shot... i like the morning sky too... =)

joined by brother wyn in last min on this 12km route.. he signed up for 6km but ran 12km with me! kudos!!

one last shot b4 we go... serious abt our run u see..

oooh... wyn-ge looking for/at his sources of motivation for the run... and grinning...

the CBD skyline... im nv really a fan of urban landscape actually... but this is actually quite nice...